I have recently written about being spiritual, which for me is more about energy than woo-woo stuff – cause I’m a down to earth kinda girl!
Lately I’m getting all kinds of connected to my body though and I want to talk about it a little more.
After my first Reiki sessions with my talented friend, I also did a few Shiatsu sessions and I must say those added yet another layer to my journey! The body talks! And a serious and talented practitioner knows how to listen and undo any blocks. Wowzer!
I was stunned! Because although I had taken care of lots of ‘stuff’ on a mind level, apparently my body was still stocking up some serious anger.
Anger really? I thought I had taken care of the anger from shit hitting the fan some years ago!
So I analysed it, looked at it, meditated on it.
And found out that apparently I am still sitting on some anger geared at myself!
Let me tell you that anger at yourself (and often being angry about something or someone usually has more to do with yourself…) is the worst kind. And the hardest to get rid of.
So I was ready to get rid of it. And first of all: why wasn’t it gone yet?
I had done everything in my might to get rid of it! I have been through therapy, retreats, reflexology, massages, meditation practice, read books, did reiki, shiatsu, worked on myself etc. Why was it still there after so many years???
Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath. –Eckhart Tolle
Before I give you the answer, let me tell you that I have a very precious circle of girlfriends. We call ourselves Da Ladies. And we support each other. I have never known anything quite like this in my life and I am so grateful to have found them. We not only tell each other everything, we also seem to have found this magic alchemy where we are able to help and support each other in ways that are so uplifting and healing!
So I was throwing my anger problem into the circle. And one of the ladies simply said: ‘oh, well yeah, you first have to honour your anger before you can let it go.’
I looked at her like ‘What???’
So in order for you to benefit from this conversation, I am stepping out of my comfort zone here and laying it all bare. Because that discussion did so much for me and I believe it may help those of you who carry anger around as well. It is more or less the exact chat I had with my wonderful friend, word for word and I have her permission for sharing it with you.
ME: Honour my anger? What does that even mean?
SHE: Simply put: thank your anger – acknowledge and receive all it has done and all the purposes it has served…
ME: Right… How do you honour something that makes you mad?
SHE: By honouring the anger, not the events.
SHE: Honour the anger because it was guiding you back to truth, to love, to yourself, to clear boundaries.
ME: I can’t get my head around that.
SHE: So let your head stay clear of it and let your heart get around it. Anger is always there to tell us that something is out of alignment. That is always its purpose. So this anger is leading you to the truth of what happened, what your role was, the vicious cycle you created. The truth – not judgement, just simple truth – of when and how you didn’t take care of yourself or couldn’t see how to. The moments when you self-sacrificed.
At this point I was of course in tears. What she was telling me spoke to the truth of that part deep down in me. That part that I had always rationalised away saying ‘get up’, ‘you got this’, ‘move on’, ‘be strong’.
ME: But this is all past anger. I’m done with that. I just want to get rid of it.
SHE: If anger is still present, you’re still angry – there’s no such thing as ‘past anger’ – if it were over it wouldn’t be there.
SHE: What does the anger bring up? Pain? Loss? Powerlessness? What dust is it kicking up that you don’t like?
ME: Sadness. And being mad at myself for not being able to make things work.
SHE: So all the love in the world couldn’t fix it, couldn’t make it work?…
ME: Yes! I felt insecure und not understood. And I’m afraid it will happen again, that I will make the same mistakes again.
SHE: What mistakes did you make?
ME: Not opening up enough, miscommunication, not getting help earlier.
SHE: So I didn’t do XYZ for myself… This is what I meant about self sacrifice and self care. It has to do with the trust of yourself when you are in love, your sovereignty, your limits of power, your acceptance, your surrender. And finding peace with all of those things.
Anger and your discomfort with it leads you back to the truth of where you were harmed and where your true safety lies – in your own hands.
ME: Right. That’s not an easy place to get to.
SHE: OK how about making a list of everything this anger has done for you? This is the honoring piece.
ME: yes… but how do I start when it’s all not so clear yet in my mind…?
SHE: Let me give you some examples:
– Thank you for keeping me safe these past years by keeping me out of another relationship where I might have lost myself.
ME: WOW! And here I was, wondering why I’m not meeting anyone! It’s like you switched on a light!
SHE: – Thank you for teaching me where I was judging others and myself.
– Thank you for teaching me how to forgive myself.
– Thank you for leading me to know I am safe in my own hands.
– Thank you for showing me I fell out of trust with myself and want it back.
– Thank you for showing me where I self-betrayed, where I tried to control another, where I fought alone.
ME: Hell you’re good at this…
SHE: hahaha, it’s easy from the outside…
So breathe into that, bless that anger. It has shown you a lot. Love it. And tell it you have new ways to cultivate sovereignty and internal sourcing of love. New tools to check in and feel safety. Reassure it that you’re safe without it.
Why not get out your gel pens and honour your anger by drawing a flower with anger in the middle and write around it all the gifts it gave you, everything it is showing you.
And I did just that. I stayed home that evening and the next day, cancelled all plans, lit a fire and candles and just sat there with my anger. Looked it in the face. And then drew it out on paper.
Let me tell you that that conversation was a door opener and that time spent honouring something I thought was bad and negative, was no easy feat. It was emotionally draining and I am still kind of recovering from it.
But since then I feel different. My coach even said that I radiate a different energy.
I consider my anger as a useful beast. Not one I need to tame but one that is a messenger, showing me something is off and not aligned. I hope I will now be able to look at it when it arises, instead of repressing it, to analyse the message it has for me and to act upon it.
So my dear reader, if by now you too think: I have a lot of ‘past anger’ cropped up… You know now that you need to start by honouring it! Use the above conversation and fill in the words and descriptions that fit your situation. Or have such a discussion with an open and trusting friend.
I guarantee that it will change your world!