I don’t know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot. — Marilyn Monroe
During my pregnancies I did not feel sexy, although my then husband kept telling me I was.
After having my boys, I felt the opposite of sexy. My body had changed, I didn’t recognize it anymore and I felt like a walking milk machine. I only wanted to wear comfortable clothes and shoes because I had to pop a boob out on command, run after a toddler constantly, pick up toys, food and clothes all the time and frequently change my outfits because of kid-induced stains. Sexy dresses were out of the question.
It took time, complaints, encouragements, nagging, some coaching, a retreat, a lot of thinking and a separation for me to find my way back to myself, my body and to wearing sexy dresses with confidence.
So today I want to share my two cents on how to be sexy…and why.
How to be sexy
1. There’s sexy and sexy
When my 5 year old was singing ‘I’m sexy and I know it’ and wanted to know what sexy means, I was at a loss for words. Because sexy means something different to everyone. Like some people prefer rock music and others jazz, some people like blonde, thin women in dresses, others prefer corpulent brunettes in pants. So don’t worry about what the media defines as sexy because you don’t want to cater to the masses, but to your partner only, right?
2. Sexy is not sex
Many mix up sexy with sex. If you’re sexy you want sex. Not! Well maybe a little 🙂 We are mammals after all, made to find a mate and procreate. I think sexy is a lot like self confidence (see point 3).
3. Sexy is as sexy does
Sexy, like sex is all in the head…well almost. A woman who is comfortable with herself and confident, oozes a certain sexiness. You can learn to speak in public, you can get better at presenting yourself at interviews and of course you can master sexy! It’s all in the behavior, in how you feel and move – it’s your body language. And since most body language is something we do unconsciously, it needs to become part of you. So the better you know yourself, the sexier you will appear.
4. Know your style
I used to have a lot of clothes in my wardrobe that I almost never wore. I still have a lot of clothes in my wardrobe 🙂 but I now know my style, my colors, the shapes that suit me. And that has made all the difference in dressing! I got a style coach to advise me and now carry my color codes in my purse. I hardly ever pick the wrong color dress now and I know which shapes enhance my body, hide my weaknesses and bring out my strengths. Like any coaching, it is in investment in yourself that is well worth it.
5. Know what you like
It’s all great if the current fashion says you need to wear hot pants or sexy dresses. But what if you don’t have the body for it or don’t like dresses? It all comes back to point 2. If you hate dresses, you won’t feel comfortable wearing them, your feeling will show and you look everything but sexy. So you need to find a good mix between what you like and what looks good on you. Because that is double confidence guaranteed.
6. The dress (and the heels)
If you’re a jeans and T-Shirt kind of girl, you may want to skip this point. But I ask you to bear with me please!
What is wrong with a dress? Why don’t you like it or wear one? Uncomfortable? You have to wear tights? You have to wear uncomfortable heels? You have small kids?
All valid responses. But all bad excuses.
A dress is much more comfortable than a pair of jeans because it’s stretchier and you have much more freedom of movement. Tights used to be horrible, flimsy things that tore so easily you had to carry 2 pairs around with you. Not anymore. The ones I buy are strong, shiny and they hide a little belly. Heels (together with a dress) are the ultimate symbol of a beautiful woman. And there are many brands that make pretty shoes that are comfortable (Gabor, Geox, etc) – yes they are more expensive, but they are timeless, breathe and last a long time. And heels come in all sorts of heights. And just like you can learn to master sexy (see point 3), you can, with practice and a little help, master dresses and heels. And as for the kids excuse: boobs are easier popped out of a dress than a shirt and does it really matter whether you have to wash the jeans or the dress when they get dirty?
I find a dress the easiest way to dress. No need to mix and match top and bottom, a dress hides your problem zones, it comes in all sorts of colors and shapes,… Go on, I dare you to try it for a while. Put on a dress one day a week for 2 months. See what happens. Report back here please!
Why being sexy is good for you
Okay, great, you say. But what good does it do me, huh?
Self-maintenance is important in love. Looking and feeling good makes you happy so that you can make other people happy, first of all your partner and kids. And I am sure your partner won’t complain to be on the side of a sexy woman he is proud of. And it probably rubs off to and gets him to, no, not wear a dress, but maybe do a little maintenance on his problem zones too.
Looking good = feeling good = happy. Simple as that.
Yes, being and feeling sexy makes for better sex! Trust me 🙂 So throw away your copy of 50 shades of Gray and throw on a dress.
People prefer to trust people who are confident, look well groomed and come across as genuine and happy with themselves. And that is useful in any walks of life.
5. You never know
When you have found your way of looking ‘sexy’ (remember, sexy means something different to everyone!) it becomes natural. And you basically always look good, even on a bad day. And you never know what might happen or who you might bump into. It’s always better to look good than to be caught in overwashed sweatpants, right?
When you have your ‘daily sexy dress’ on (and again, by ‘dress’ I don’t necessarily mean a dress), you have possibilities. You can say yes to a sponaneous invite to the opening of a gallery (no need to run home and get changed into something worthy of the occasion), you can smile at people when you show up dressed to kill to a more casual place (like one of my spontaneous barbecues for example…).
A few additional hints:
- Always have a pair of flat shoes in the car (or office). Just in case you get an impromptu invite to play a game of golf or go for a little walk.
- If you do have small kids, choose dresses that are machine washable, stretchy and don’t cost a fortune.
- I say that EVERYONE is sexy (like everyone is creative). So there!
- Your thoughts are things: if you think you are or think you aren’t, you are always right. So think yourself sexy!
Now off you go and BE sexy!