The other day, I was talking with a friend about how difficult it is to let go sometimes. Of past hurt, deception, anger, of the need to judge.
We don’t like to get hurt or disappointed. Who does, right? We like to be in control of situations so that they don’t hurt us. And our brains are wired to protect us and are very crafty at setting up all sorts of protections to make sure we don’t get hurt again, ever. But we also know that without a little forgiveness, daring and stepping out of our comfort zone, these protections may have a tendency to fence us in, to keep us from living authentically.
So what’s a girl to do? Forgive and let go? Yes, absolutely!
Easier said than done? Hell yes!
So how does one do that?
Simple: by taking responsibility.
Uhuh! By taking responsibility.
Miranda, are you saying I should feel responsible for every little, shitty thing that happened to me or that someone did to me?
Yes, I am. But hear me out!
What does RESPONSIBILITY actually mean?
If we take the word apart it says RESPONSE ABILITY. Your ability to respond.
Think about that for a while. Your ability to respond…
Because that is what responsibility in the positive sense of the word really means. Your ability to respond to a situation. In an authentic, respectful way, at any time and in any situation.
That is the only power and control you have in life really…
This is hard to accept once the damage is done. Once your husband has left you, once you have been disappointed by a friend, once you have been deceived by a co-worker, you can only look back at your response ability.
What did you respond when there was a fight? How did you respond to the questions, the blame? What was your response to reproaches? How did you respond to the feeling that something needs to be fixed?
You may not have responded correctly back when that happened.
Because our response ability gets pushed around by our:
- default settings
- past experiences
- need to stay in our comfort zone
- hope that things will fix themselves or just go away
So when I say that you need to look at your response ability, I am basically asking you to look at how you responded in the past. So that you can learn and take charge of your response ability now and in the future. So that next time, you speak up instead of shutting down, you get help instead of ignoring the problem, you analyze the problem instead of jumping to conclusions, you address the feeling instead of hoping it will go away.
You ALWAYS have the ability to choose how to respond to ANY situation that life throws at you. The earlier you respond the better. That is YOUR responsibility. No one MAKES you respond. YOU are the only one who has control over that. And if you don’t, you need to get that back: by getting help, by changing your default settings,
It’s your responsibility – always.