Less things. Less plans. Less have to's. Less information. It sounds counterintuitive, yet it seems to be what we most need and crave. We live in a world of 'needing to be up to speed/date' in case we miss out on the latest news/trends/happenings/opportunities. But too much information, too many choices and things lead to overwhelm and overload and we're unable to filter out what is really important. Instead of wanting, needing and doing more, how about we start trusting our intuition and feelings to know what we really need and want to say yes to? Trusting our body's need for a walk, a rest, a bath, silence, ice cream, a hug. Trusting our intuition to turn left in a city we don't know , trusting in abundance and saying no to an offer that sounds interesting, trusting in that whisper to say yes in order to step out of our comfort zone. One night I had planned to meet friends after a full week of having the kids 24/7. I felt I could really need some girl time and talk. Yet, that afternoon, when the kids left, all I craved was silence. To simply BE. So I cancelled my girl's night out and my tribe of wise women understood (which is one of the reasons we are friends by the way). I was home alone and sat in silence on the couch and did absolutely nothing. No TV. No music. No books. Just empty space to be filled by me and my being. It felt so rewarding and my body and mind told me I had made the right decision to stay home. I had things to process. Things that can only be processed during quiet time. I processed. Then I took a salty bath (to cleanse all the processing away) and I felt almost brand new. The next day I also did nothing. Turns out processing takes time, especially if you haven't done it in a while. So I drew a mind map of my process. And then burned it as a final ritual. And I felt relieved. Of a weight. Of a burden. And I felt thankful. For having listened to my mind and body's need for silence so that this could come up, get processed and leave. I vowed to myself to create more of such empty pockets of time, of less, of silence, of peace. So that I can feel, be and process. Because less really is more.

The other day I was reading a very good fiction book ( The last anniversary by Liane Moriarty) and in one of the chapters, one of the characters recently had a baby. When her husband goes back to work after two weeks at home, she can’t seem to think or feel straight. Everything seems overwhelming, everything seems to take a superhuman effort. And yes, it may be due to the lack of sleep one has a new parent, but chemically, hormonally things were upset in her body. She mentions at some point that she seems to have no time. Everything is related to the baby and its needs. Her needs as a woman are so far down on anyone’s list, including her own. And she just wants time. Time to sleep, time to rest, time to be herself, time to think, time to feel. I so hear her. And it is true not only when we have just become a mother, but at any point in our lives. Time to feel. In our busy society, it’s all about DOING. Thinking is allowed, but not too much and fast please. But feelings? They seem to have little place nowadays. I see this with my kids. They are supposed to process so many things. Rationally, mentally. But nobody teaches them or allows them to process feelings. And feelings take time and experience to process. They need to ‘move through our body’. If they don’t, they get repressed. And when they get repressed, they end up being swept under the carpet (and eventually someone will fall over the bump) or they turn into stress, pain, headaches, bodily aches and illness and a general unhappiness. When was the last time you consciously addressed a feeling? Whether it was a happy or unhappy one. Fear, anger, delight, pure joy. Did you talk the fear down? It’s ridiculous to be afraid of this spider/rollercoaster/presentation to 20 people!!! Did you fume internally when your husband didn’t take out the trash/your colleague pretended your idea was his? Or did you take it out on someone else? Did you glow inside when your kid succeeded at his project you helped him with/you sold a painting/you got a huge compliment and then moved on to the next thing on your to do list? We often acknowledge the feeling and then move on. We do not let the feeling unfold. Yes, some of the bad feelings are scary when they unfold. But they need to move in, on and then out. I am not talking about analyzing the reasons and the why. That is mental work that does need to happen too, but on a more general level. I am talking about honoring and giving space to each little feeling and let it develop bodily. My feelings tend to get stuck in three places: my shoulders/neck, my hips and my gut. And when those three body parts act up, I know I haven’t given my feelings the space and time they deserve. No need to get therapy. This helps with the big stuff, the pattern you need to change, the boundaries you need to create, the insecurity you need to tackle. But you need to give your body feeling time. And often, it’s actually pretty simple. Because the body is smart and knows what to do. When it is given time. How to give your body feeling time: Sleep a bit longer/more or take an afternoon nap. Take a salty bath. Cry it out (I mean really cry it out). Get a massage where someone presses things through. Take a day off and do absolutely nothing. Meditate and do a body scan (I use apps like Calm , Insight Timer or Headspace ) Ground your body to reconnect it with nature and the earth (go for a walk, walk barefoot in the grass, sit in the sun, hug a tree, …). Honour the feeling Sit with the feeling. Bathe in it. Really feel it. In which body part is it strongest? Put your hands on that part. Allow that feeling to sit there. Thank it for being there and showing you something important. Whether the feeling is rational or not, it is a sign. When you do this, you will be able to savour the good feeling and the joy will be so much stronger. You will be able to recognise the real feeling. That fear of the spider may actually be something else. It is hard to do this because today's world doesn't often give us the time and space to do it. But when we honour our feelings, they honour us back. And that, my friend, is what life is all about.

time Archives | Create and Connect

The space of less

Less things. Less plans. Less have to's. Less information. It sounds counterintuitive, yet it seems to be what we most need and crave. We live in a world of 'needing to be up to speed/date' in case we miss out on the latest news/trends/happenings/opportunities. But too much information, too many choices and things lead to overwhelm and overload and we're unable to filter out what is really important. Instead of wanting, needing and doing more, how about we start trusting our intuition and feeli [...]

Miranda2019-11-12T09:07:26+02:00November 22nd, 2019|

The benefits of doing something ‘useless’

Remember when you were a kid and time seemed endless? Remember losing yourself in playful activities, roaming in the woods for hours on end, building a fort with no plan, dancing? Remember doing things just for the sake of doing them? Although play is not reserved for children, we seem to lose the right to play when we move into adulthood. In our high speed world of today, everything we do seems geared towards something: a goal, an achievement, a level to be reached, someone to impress. Studies [...]

Miranda2019-09-17T08:54:55+02:00September 20th, 2019|

Time to feel

The other day I was reading a very good fiction book (The last anniversary by Liane Moriarty) and in one of the chapters, one of the characters recently had a baby. When her husband goes back to work after two weeks at home, she can’t seem to think or feel straight. Everything seems overwhelming, everything seems to take a superhuman effort. And yes, it may be due to the lack of sleep one has a new parent, but chemically, hormonally things were upset in her body. She mentions at some point that [...]

Miranda2019-04-30T08:01:37+02:00May 3rd, 2019|

Hollow interaction versus meaningful connection

How often do you have meaningful conversations in a day? If I look at my day, it starts with getting the kids up and asking them if they slept okay. The answer to that is usually a grunt or a hand gesture meaning 'I'm not awake yet'. Sometimes they do tell me about a dream they had. Sometimes I tell them about a dream I had. And then it's rush rush down the brush your teeth and get dressed list. At work, the day starts with 'Good morning, how are you?' answered by 'Fine and you?'. Sometimes foll [...]

Miranda2018-12-11T09:20:52+02:00December 14th, 2018|

11 ways to get the best out of your coach

Have you ever had a coach? the trainer you had in high school the consultant they paid when you were laid off the fitness coach you decided to hire to loose those pounds the life coach you felt you needed to get through mid life We have all had a coach in our life at some point. Sometimes we chose them, sometimes they were thrust upon us... for better or for worse. Often for worse. Here are a few tips to make your next coaching experience a success: it goes without saying that the points outline [...]

Miranda2019-12-20T11:54:40+02:00June 22nd, 2018|

Do you get enough rest?

I have been tired a lot lately. Now this is quite normal at the beginning of spring what with the season changing and all. But I have been tired more than usual. Or maybe I have only been feeling like that because I am actually stopping and resting? Chicken and egg, right? But it is true. In the past, whenever I was tired, I would usually shrug it off. Too much to do, too little time. You can sleep when you're dead...and so on. So I would push on, do the project, go to the dinner, see the show, [...]

Miranda2018-11-22T19:20:33+02:00April 13th, 2018|