I have recently had quite a few interesting discussions about men with my friends and clients. Because when women discuss things like life, eventually the topic of men comes up. Right?
Funnily enough, we all seemed to agree on or have experienced some version(s) of the following:
- We are attracted to alpha males.
If we choose an alpha male, we may feel ‘diminished’/frustrated at some point in the relationship. Trying to make the alpha male ‘softer’ has proven to be an impossible task.
- We are not necessarily as physically attracted to the beta male – although we like him.
If we choose the beta male, we will at some point crave the ‘alpha’ part. So either we take it on ourselves and become tired, or try, unsuccessfully, to change the beta male.
So I started analyzing the alphabet a bit…
Who is an Alpha male?
He is the manly, fit looking guy with the good genes, the bad, dominant boy who knows what he wants and gets it.
Who is the Beta male?
He is the nice guy who befriends you, may have nerdy tendencies, is emotional and/or introverted.
Evolution has programmed women to select the alpha male, the provider of food, shelter and security as well as the genes of the fittest for survival. Men were hunters and not needed in housekeeping or childcare.
Nowadays, however, women much less need male protection as they can support themselves. So they often look towards other, softer, qualities as they also want the men to participate in making a home and raising their children.
A testosterone charged alpha bully is also not seen as an ideal candidate in a work environment where team-work, cooperation and diplomacy are needed nowadays.
Then there is the Omega male.
He is the guy that doesn’t want to grow up. He loves his comic book collection, excessively games, never left his student pad, goes out and parties. The female species does consider him quite the loser.
So then, say you, what option do I have?
We want the alpha male for his obvious qualities, but we also want him to be emotionally intelligent, self aware, share our values, listen and learn.
We like the Beta male for exactly those qualities, but find that he is too quickly intimidated, needs to be validated, and pities himself.
The solution: the Delta male.
You could also call him the mature Alpha male or the assertive Beta male. He has both Alpha and Beta qualities.
Because Sensitivity and Assertiveness are not opposites!
Put simply, it looks like this:
The Delta male:
- knows what he wants but doesn’t let his ego take control.
- is self-fulfilled instead of selfish.
- has assertive instead of aggressive energy
- is self-aware instead of self-absorbed.
- is able to process discomfort.
- cooperates with women instead of competing.
- views women as partners instead of possessions.
- shares values instead of wanting his needs met.
- values communication above validation.
- lives his life love-based instead of fear-driven.
- sees himself as a student of life, not a victim.
- looks for meaningful experiences instead of chasing meaningless things
The only thing we have to do now is find him 🙂
But that, my dear readers, is another blogpost…