I have recently had quite a few interesting discussions about men with my friends and clients. Because when women discuss things like life, eventually the topic of men comes up. Right?
Funnily enough, we all seemed to agree on or have experienced some version(s) of the following:
- We are attracted to alpha males.
If we choose an alpha male, we may feel ‘diminished’/frustrated at some point in the relationship. Trying to make the alpha male ‘softer’ has proven to be an impossible task. - We are not necessarily as physically attracted to the beta male – although we like him.
If we choose the beta male, we will at some point crave the ‘alpha’ part. So either we take it on ourselves and become tired, or try, unsuccessfully, to change the beta male.
So I started analyzing the alphabet a bit…
Who is an Alpha male?
He is the manly, fit looking guy with the good genes, the bad, dominant boy who knows what he wants and gets it.
Who is the Beta male?
He is the nice guy who befriends you, may have nerdy tendencies, is emotional and/or introverted.
Evolution has programmed women to select the alpha male, the provider of food, shelter and security as well as the genes of the fittest for survival. Men were hunters and not needed in housekeeping or childcare.
Nowadays, however, women much less need male protection as they can support themselves. So they often look towards other, softer, qualities as they also want the men to participate in making a home and raising their children.
A testosterone charged alpha bully is also not seen as an ideal candidate in a work environment where team-work, cooperation and diplomacy are needed nowadays.
Then there is the Omega male.
He is the guy that doesn’t want to grow up. He loves his comic book collection, excessively games, never left his student pad, goes out and parties. The female species does consider him quite the loser.
image source
So then, say you, what option do I have?
We want the alpha male for his obvious qualities, but we also want him to be emotionally intelligent, self aware, share our values, listen and learn.
We like the Beta male for exactly those qualities, but find that he is too quickly intimidated, needs to be validated, and pities himself.
The solution: the Delta male.
You could also call him the mature Alpha male or the assertive Beta male. He has both Alpha and Beta qualities.
Because Sensitivity and Assertiveness are not opposites!
Put simply, it looks like this:
The Delta male:
-
- knows what he wants but doesn’t let his ego take control.
- is self-fulfilled instead of selfish.
- has assertive instead of aggressive energy
- is self-aware instead of self-absorbed.
- is able to process discomfort.
- cooperates with women instead of competing.
- views women as partners instead of possessions.
- shares values instead of wanting his needs met.
- values communication above validation.
- lives his life love-based instead of fear-driven.
- sees himself as a student of life, not a victim.
- looks for meaningful experiences instead of chasing meaningless things
The only thing we have to do now is find him 🙂
But that, my dear readers, is another blogpost…
Your definitions are a little off in some cases, and way off in others. You’re right about the alpha having superior genes for physical strength and attractiveness, but a male with those qualities would have to also possess at least average intelligence otherwise he’d just be a dumb jock beta. Betas are the yes-men suck-ups of the world, the ones who glad-hand themselves up the social ladder, and they are by far the most common type. In fact, the whole obsession the so-called ‘manosphere’ has over alpha male traits is driven by beta insecurity. Any time you see a bunch of guys talking about what it means to be an alpha, those guys are all betas. They’re actually a sub-type of Beta I call the Cargo-Cult-Alphas; they ape the behavior they think makes an Alpha an Alpha, but since they’re just Betas they come off as total misogynist jerks and social bullies when they try to behave the way they think an Alpha should. The omega is the outcast, he can be in an immature state of arrested development as you noted, but that’s just as likely to be a trait of the beta as it is the omega. The omega is a total loser in life, lives in his parents basement not because he hasn’t grown up, but because he is incapable of succeeding in life. He is often very narcissistic which is a quality that is obviously only attractive in the alpha. Omegas must think highly of themselves to protect their ego from the psychologically devastating realization that they are, in reality, profoundly inferior. The Delta is an interesting concept, and I’d contend, that if it exists as a seperate catagory it consists of betas who are not very good at (or complete failures) being a Beta. These would be guys who possess all the qualities required to be successful betas, but they’re either not very good at sucking up to their superiors, or they resent having to suck up. So they’re always being passed up for promotion, even though they’re often the most capable person in the company. They tend to have above-average intelligence and are not outcasts because they have skills that are in demand. They’re often the ones tasked with having to do all the ‘real work’ while the more successful betas around them have managed to suck-up enough to their superiors to not have to do much work (because when you’re promoted, you make the people under you do the work). Deltas are, naturally, chronically frustrated with life. Then there’s the Gamma, he’s got all the traits required to be an Alpha, but he despises all the Betas who are constantly sucking up to him, so rather than becoming a lawyer, like every self-respecting Alpha does, the Gamma drops out and becomes one of those perfect physical specimens who lives on the beach and does nothing but surf.
Alpha women really suck altogether.
Truth is, men hate dominant bad girls. They end up abusing them to put them in their place just like my husband does with me.
No we don’t. I love Dominant bad girls!!!!!!
labeling people is not very smart and what women want in a man depends on many things. You will notice most men have wives and all the fat women have happy husbands mostly. I am a beta male in that I will submit to some women but nothing else and my spouse is an alpha female in some ways and has a good job and great sex and family and does what she pleases.
But you see, the purpose of marriage as a concept itself is so that beta males can secure a mate. Taking an economic perspective to the dating world, if the dating market were completely ‘free market’ only the top 10-20% of males would attract the majority of women.
My father was an alpha male. He was abusive and made us miserable. I have major trust issues and am actually afraid of relationships because of his toxic alpha male ways. Also most men I knew growing up were in the alpha range and not very kind. I wish I had known a beta or delta male. Maybe I wouldn’t be an old spinster now.
I’d actually submit that most abusers are NOT Alphas, but rather Betas raised by Alphas who could never stack up and made everyone else pay for their misery.
Stop making Alpha males look like jerks theirs a difference between loser jerks and alpha males just because we are alphas doesn’t mean we are abusive or inconsiderate… please get your minds right.
Beta males annoy me. Hiding behind women’s skirts…..no thanks.
[…] coming up with a list of simply “mature male” traits, I found an article that blends the traits of both Alpha and Beta males into a new “Delta” type. See if […]
I cannot find the credentials for the writer of this blog/article. Can you help?
The writer is the founder of Create and Connect. Details can be found under About.
im an omega male that rules alpha males. dont have great luck with women. but i have the respect of men.
I FOUND THE UNICORN! My high school sweetheart is a Delta male. And a drop dead gorgeous one at that! I met him in 10th grade and I noticed immediately that he was a rare species. I still remember the crippling anxiety of needing to snag him before others caught on to my discovery. I did my mating dance, collected hair samples, cast some spells around a bubbling cauldron, and voila! We’ve been together for almost 8 years now and will be married this coming June, 2019.
(BTW I am, without a doubt, an alpha female)
Anywho, what a great article. I may be bias, but I find it to be very accurate and well-worded. I can attest to its validity! I grew up knowing alpha males (+ a fair amount of betas) and I definitely prefer the level-headed, cooperative, love-driven man.
I would look at evolution as proof that beta are superior, I mean look at asia, biggest population and tend to find feminine male to be more attractive!
Alphas exist and they complete the mission. Nope, I wasnt an alpha but I served in the company of some.
The simple fact here is you invented the Delta male with your emotions. Women today simply hate reality and think they can change it with their feelings. You procreate with the Alpha and accept its your responsibility to be a mother or you marry your cute little Beta and accept you will be drooling over Alphas the rest of your life. You will always be attempted to have affairs and risk the bank account your beta boy provides. Your choice sweetly.