The things that you know well and are used to make you feel comfortable, safe. And as a human being you have this need to control your life and your feelings.
New things are risky because you don’t know them and cannot control them. You are afraid to try new things because you may look stupid, you may fail and people might think God knows what of you.
We are taught not to show fear because it’s seen as an insecurity and we are supposed to be in control. Right?
Well, showing insecurity (i.e. being authentic, real) is actually a quality. YES! Because it gives you so much more possibilities. People who are never insecure are not willing to reflect on themselves. I am sure you know one of those!
But stepping out of our comfort zone is not easy. How do you do it?
I like to think of things as ‘exciting’ instead of scary. I like to think ‘I wonder what will happen if…?’ instead of ‘I know I will fail’
It is true that when you leave that comfy couch you get to meet a little goblin called ‘your inner critic‘. He likes to stay on the couch and keeps telling you ‘You don’t have to do this…’
Most of our time is spent in our comfort zone. And that is good. If we were living outside of it all the time we would die of exhaustion 
But it does a world of good to step out of it from time to time and go explore new things.
In her book ‘The comfort trap‘ Judith Sills describes comfort as follows:
COMFORT = Fun, Safety, Satisfaction, Protection
And some of the sources of fun or satisfaction for example lie outside of your comfort zone where you need to let go of safety.
A few examples:
- Intense relationships: true honesty is uncomfortable
- Sexual satisfaction: it’s not easy to tell your sexual fantasies and needs
- Sports: think about the resistance before you go for a run
- Big goals: a new job, moving house
Safety is what limits the satisfaction of new experiences. And having new experiences makes life seem longer. New experiences create new, happy memories that come in handy during bad times. New experiences create a lust for life and a fresh wind in your head which makes you sharper.
Doing something new takes all your attention, because it’s unusual. So there is no room for brooding over problems. Worrysome details disappear.
As I keep telling everyone all the time, stepping out of your comfort zone is good for creativity. As Samuel Beckett say ‘Habit is a great deadener’. But we love habits. And if we take one away we want to replace it with another. As long as the new one is not there, we’re in the dark and afraid. Beckett says that here what he calls a ‘white moment’ can come in. It’s where you create something new, with value, that you haven’t thought about before. And you are only able to create that because you were not in any habits (i.e. not in your comfort zone).
Everyone has a different comfort zone. Someone speaks with ease in front of a full room but prefers to stay at home during his vacation. Someone else finds it scary to address a stranger but can travel the whole world without a problem.
A comfort zone is elastic. You can stretch it by changing your daily habits in little steps. How about breakfast elsewhere, driving a different road to work, going to the movies alone,…
As Judith Sills points out, there is a paradox in your comfort zone: we need to feel comfortable to live fully but if we get too comfortable something essential dies. A life with too much work is exhausting, but a life with no effort undermines the soul. Between the two lies a haven, a platform of emotional well being. It is a refuge. And that’s why it is only a temporary place.
It’s all a matter of balance. So there is as much truth in what Albert Einstein said: ‘Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.’ than in what Milan Kundera said: ‘Happiness is the longing for repetition.‘
Life does not have to be composed of only new experiences. Some repetitions are even celebrated, like the beginning of spring, the end of a year, birthdays… They are not boring and monotonous but hopeful. It’s not the birds’ chirping we love, it’s the return of spring.
So how does one leave this comfort zone from time to time?
Like I mentioned earlier, call something exciting instead of scary (thoughts are things!). And then move with baby steps. Because big steps are scary and need to be planned and broken down into steps are more likely to succeed and keep you motivated.
Judith Sills also says that knowing what you want helps, if you know what your desires are. Because no desire, no wishes can keep you pinned to your comfortable couch as much as fear itself. Because even if your comfort zone has become boring or painful, if nothing calls out to you, you stay where you are. If you do not have such a desire, such a longing for something, you need to go search for it. How? By finding a creative valve. Because your repressed longing lives on in your subconscious and the creative process gives you access to that area again. But also by helping others. Often enough you are too close to form a clear picture of yourself. It then helps to focus on something more important than yourself.
And if you want to stay on your comfy couch, I suggest you start by reading:
- ‘The Artist’s Way’ By Julia Cameron. It will teach you what creativity is, how to tame your inner critic and so much more.
- Any book by Keri Smith if you think you are not creative but crave some hands on fun.
- My year with Eleanor by Noelle Hancock on why you should do something every day that scares you.
We need to leave that comfort zone from time to time. Fear is part of it. Fear is just Fals Evidence Appearing Real. And like Nelson Mandela said: ‘I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.‘
And if you are looking for a comfortable way to leave your comfort zone, I suggest you sign up for my retreat in November during which we talk a lot about intention (what is it that you want) and elimination (what blocks my way) and that has everything to do with your comfort zone.
And if you want to know what I am afraid of, you can read some of that here:
(source: Flow Magazine no 6 -2012 – loosely translated and adapted)