Why we tend to choose the path we’re in control of

During my talk at Tedx Luxembourgcity, I spoke about Failure and stepping out of my comfort zone.

I meet so many women who have the brightest ideas, most amazing talents and tons of possibilities up for grabs.

But they are stuck.

Because they keep choosing the path they are in control of instead of the one that might bring them closer to their dreams.


Because choosing that path is a HUGE step and involves quite some changes.


  • we want to be nice and liked.
  • we worry about what people might think of us.
  • we want to fit in.
  • we don’t want to look stupid or fail.
  • it’s easier to remain in the comfort zone.
  • we are scared:
    - of making decisions
    - of taking responsibility for our lives
    - of being who we really are
    - of living our dream instead of someone else’s
    - of losing control
    - of the upheaval that this will bring

So we settle. We settle for the path we are in control of.

Yes, we women like CONTROL. But being in control does not always rhyme with happiness.
Scary, out of control situations don’t either.


When we have a goal, a dream, an intention, we need to  take a first step in that direction. We need to plant a seed. And water it, a little.

And when that seed starts growing, the first thing we see is not the sprout… it’s the DIRT. The dirt comes up first before the sprout can make it through to see the sun.

And that’s what makes it so hard to do.

Because many women give up as soon as the dirt comes up.
‘This is too hard’. ‘I told you it would not work.’ ‘Look where that gets me now.’ ‘Why is this happening to me?’

I know. I have been there. I have planted seeds and had dirt come up. In the form of things happening (good and bad) that required decisions. In the form of people getting upset with me because I was changing and doing things differently.

But if you are clear, if you have a real intention, that dirt will not let you get off your path. If you are clear, you will embrace that dirt, learn from it and move on.

Look at that dirt like a mud bath. It’s yucky, but it does a whole lot of good! Right?

So I say, go roll in it! Yay!

This entry was posted in Better life, Fear and tagged control, decisions, dirt, seed. Bookmark the permalink.

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